SAM

Some people wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Sam was born on the wrong side of the bed, and it has affected him ever since. When he is not in a bad mood, Sam is merely surly and unpleasant. There are some who have suggested that underneath his grumpy exterior, Sam really has a heart of gold. Those people are mistaken. Sam's heart is made of icky bloody stuff, just like everybody else's. His kidneys and liver are likewise pretty gross and his stomach, well you do not even want to go there. Though his doctors have recommended he drop a few pounds, Sam is quite happy with his weight, which he describes as a "good fighting weight". Sam maintains his weight with a vigorous eating and snacking regimen. (This is what I am talking about). Sam has recently tipped the scales at a little over 180 pounds, which may not seem like that much, but is rather a lot for someone who is a little under 4 feet tall. Sam enjoys watching professional wrestling on television, participating in hot dog eating competitions and being rude to telephone solicitors.